Xylophones and EpiPens
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. While searching for a xylophone at Wal-Mart, Canada has an allergic reaction to a free food sample. Let's see if America can figure out how to use a EpiPen.


He yawned and looked at his identical looking brother. "Morning. Did you make me any pancakes?"

His brother looked up from his newspaper. "Morning to you too. And no I did not make you any pancakes."

"What?" he asked disappointed. "You know that's the only reason I invited you over to spend the night-"

"Yesterday you said that you just invited me over to build a fort with the couch cushions."

He laughed. "It was a awesome fort! And did you clean up for me?"

His brother grumbled. "What do you think? You always go to bed when its time to put the cushions back on the couch."

"So, did you clean it up?"

"Did you see the fort when you passed the living room?"

"I don't remember... I'm sort of a zombie in the morning and can't be held accountable for anything I do."

"I cleaned it up!" his friend announced feeling annoyed. "Just like I do every single sticking time you-"

"Dude bro, you don't have to yell. I totally believe that you did whatever you just said you did."

His brother frowned. "You just zoned me out, didn't you?"

He smiled. "Nah bro, I remember what you said. I'm not that hopeless in the morning. You said you cleaned up the mess you made."

"The mess we made," his friend corrected.

"That's debatable."

"No it isn't you were part of the fort building just as much as-"

"Subject change! What do we have planned for today?" he asked making his way from the doorway to the toaster to make some toast.

His friend set the newspaper down on the table and sighed. There was really no point in arguing with him when he demands for a subject change. "Planned? Oh, well I was under the impression that you already had something planned."

"Nope, this day is as free as... well... me!" He chuckled pleased with his ability to make a joke. "So we can do anything we want! Okay, maybe not anything we want... I don't think my boss would be down with us launching a few of the missiles. But, we can still do anything from archery to zoo visiting."

"Did you assign something for every letter of the alphabet?" his brother asked smiling from amusement.

He grinned. "Nope I just made up 'a' and 'z' on the spot. Clever huh? If I were to do that I would probably get stuck on the letter 'x'."

"'X' could be for xylophone playing," his friend suggested.

"I don't own a xylophone," he stated, "but we can go get one if you really want to play one."

His brother chuckled. "Nah, I'm good. I don't think I've ever played a xylophone before anyway."

"That makes today I perfect day to learn!"

"You're going to teach me how to play the xylophone?"

"I don't know how to play a xylophone-"

"Then how do you expect to teach me?"

"I'm not going to teach you, silly." He laughed as his bread finished becoming toast in the toaster. "We're going to go to one of those music stores, and get one of those smelly musicians-"

"Smelly musicians?"

"Yeah, one of those dudes that are so into their musical work that they forget to bathe," he said taking the butter and jam out of the fridge to prepare his toast.

His friend frowned. "That's a little demoting. Does Austria know that you think of him as a smelly musician?"

"You think Austria smells?"

"No-"

"Then why would you say something so demoting like that?"

"You're the one that-" his brother cut himself off with a groan. There really is no point in arguing with him when he doesn't realize what he just said. "Never mind. Are we going to a music store or not?"

"After I finish breakfast, shower, check my email, and get dressed," he stated taking a bite of his prepared toast. "This would be a million times better if this was a pancake."

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

* * *

"Welcome to Wal-Mart!" a cheerful employee stated as he and his brother walked into the store.

"Thanks!" he stated weaving to the employee as he walked off with his friend.

"I thought we where actually going to go to a music store," his friend said annoyed. "The plan was that we where going to buy a xylophone and get one of the employees to go home with us, and teach us how to play it."

He laughed. "That seemed like to much work. And why find a music store when Wally World is just across the street?"

His brother frowned. "Do you really think Wal-Mart will have xylophones?"

"Bro, don't be such a Debbie Downer. Wally World has everything from apples to zucchini," he stated as he lead his brother towards the electronics aisle.

"What we're looking for isn't edible." His friend pushed his arm off of him. "And do you even know where to find a xylophone?"

"Nope," he said laughing. "But usually things are around the electronics aisle!"

"You mean in the back of the store?"

"Yep. All the good things are in the back. 'Cause the back is where it's at! Everything good like iPods, iPads, Computers, Xboxes, Wiis, PlayStations-"

"None of those are musical instruments." His brother frowned. "Maybe we should just ask a employee-"

"That's the sissy way of doing things!" he proclaimed. "A real man finds things all by himself."

His friend chuckled. "Well, if you insist that you're a real man, America."

America smiled. "I am a real man! And I'll find this xylophone without any assistance!"

"If you say so," his brother said grinning knowing that America won't be able to find a xylophone without assistance.

"So, the first place we're going to look is the electronics aisle!" America stated pulling his brother forward with him. "And if our beloved xylophone isn't in the electronics aisle we're move on to looking at the lobsters-"

"Lobsters?"

"Yeah, Wally World has tanks with live lobsters in them. It's for people that want to be all fancy and eat a lobster for dinner. I don't know how to prepare lobster, but I like to watch them swim, and fight and stuff. I even named one of them Jeb. I always ask the employees if they could take the tape off of Jeb's claws for his fights can be more extreme and awesome. But, they always just look at me like I'm crazy, and say that it wouldn't be fair to all the other lobsters. They also say that there's no way that the same lobster I've been looking at for the past eighteen years is Jeb. But, I know its Jeb. They say that a lobster doesn't have a life span of-"

His friend cut him off. "Uh, America you're walking the wrong way."

America laughed and turned away from walking towards the woman's clothing department. "Oops, sorry about that Canada. I just get so excited thinking about how awesome Jeb the fighting lobster is that I totally forget about where I'm going!"

Canada blinked. "I guess that makes sense."

"Hey, aren't you excited! Right after we finish passing this toy aisle we'll be in the electronic aisle! And that xylophone will be ours!"

"Well, if the xylophone is in the aisle that is," Canada corrected.

"If its not we're going to the lobster tank!"

"Wouldn't it just be faster if we just asked a employee-"

America cut him off. "We are not going to demote ourselves to doing the sissy method!"

"If you say so," Canada said as they made it to the electronics aisle.

"Sweet dude! Call of Duty!" America said running off before Canada could say anything to stop him.

* * *

"Okay, so I was wrong about a xylophone being in the electronics aisle," America said as he left the electronics aisle a few hours later with Canada.

"You didn't even look! I did all the looking for you," Canada said upset wishing that he would have just asked an employee for help. "You just played Call of Duty on the-"

"Yeah, yeah, water under the bridge," America said cutting Canada off. "Now we can go watch Jeb and his friends!"

"Do you really think a xylophone would be anywhere near a lobster tank?" Canada asked getting a feeling that the lobster tank would just be like the electronics aisle. America will occupy himself with a mindless activity, while he'll he does all the searching.

"I don't know. Watching lobsters is awesome, and xylophones are-"

Canada cut him off. "We really should just ask a employee for help."

"No we shouldn't. I'm not going to demote myself to-"

A chirpy employee cut America off. "Would you two twins like to have a free sample?"

"Uh, we're not exactly twins," Canada said too quiet for the employee to hear.

America smiled totally forgetting what he talking about before a plate of food was presented in front of him. "Hell yeah!" he said grabbing one of the free food samples.

"Would you like one too?" the chirpy employee asked Canada as America ate his free sample obnoxiously.

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure," the chirpy employee answered. "My supervisor just gave me this plate and told me to give customers free samples."

"It's good whatever it is!" America said finishing his free sample. "It sort of tastes like milk with honey-"

Canada frowned and cut America off. "It looks like its some sort of potato chip."

"Are you going to take a free sample or not?" the chirpy employee asked not sounding as chirpy as before. "'Cause my supervisor will be mad if he sees that I'm not giving free samples to the lovely elderly couple over there." She pointed towards the old couple standing in the cereal aisle arguing over something. They clearly have been married for a long time.

"I don't-"

America cut him off. "Bro! You should totally try one of these things! Its got like this maple aftertaste."

"Maple?" Canada asked surprised. "I guess I should try one of these things."

"Enjoy," the chirpy employee said as Canada took one of the free samples off the plate. "I'll go offer samples to that lovely elderly couple now." She walked off towards the cereal aisle.

"This certainly looks weird," Canada said twirling the potato chip looking thing in his hands.

"Put it in your mouth! Put it in your mouth! Put it in your mouth!"

"I'm so glad Prussia or France isn't here," Canada mumbled. He placed the potato chip looking thing in his mouth to eat.

The moment he swallowed his free sample his throat felt itchy, and his abdominal felt like it was in extreme pain.

"Dude, Canada!" America said looking alarmed. "You look like you're turning into a blueberry without the blue. You know like in Willy Wonka where the chick turns into a blueberry. It looks like that's happening to you, but without the blue part-"

"Oh my goodness, your twin brother is having a allergic reaction!" a random lady passing by cried.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you need help-"

"Help?" America asked alarmed as Canada kept swelling. "The hero never-"

Canada spat something that didn't sound like actual words out. His throat and mouth was too swollen to sound like he was saying real words.

"Okay, maybe the hero can make a exception for his brother just this time." America turned towards the random lady. "What do I do?"

"I've never seen a food allergic reaction effect a person so quickly. Do you have his EpiPen?"

"EpiPen?"

"It's a devise used to inject epinephrine during an anaphylaxis attack-"

"Those are some really big words. Are you some sort of doctor lady or something?"

"No, my four-year-old just has a peanut allergy," she answered opening up her purse. "Do you or do you not have a EpiPen?"

"I don't have one."

She took out an epinephrine autoinjector from her purse. "I'll let you use my son's." She handed the EpiPen to America.

"How do I use this thing?" America asked as Canada's swelling continued.

"First you pull off the safety release."

"Okay." America pulled off the cap as instructed. "Now what?"

"Don't hold it like that!"

"Ow!" America screamed as the EpiPen's needle with though his finger. "Son of a biscuit eating bulldog!"

"That needle went all the way though your finger," the lady said calmly. "Like even through your finger nail-" The lady fainted before she could finish.

* * *

America wrapped the bandage back around his finger and smiled. "As you can see, boss, I think the world would be safer if EpiPens weren't so confusing to use."

His boss looked disturbed by the hole in his finger. "Did you guys ever figure out what was in the chip looking thing that Canada had a allergic reaction too?"

America finished securing the bandage around his tainted finger. "Nope, we went back to Wally World after the emergency room, but we couldn't find the chirpy employee that gave us the free sample. On the bright side we did go to a music shop and got a xylophone. We even took an employee home to teach us how to play. It was awesome! We totally have mad xylophone skills now!"

His boss sighed and picked up the sample EpiPen America had provided him with. "Yes, you mentioned the xylophone, and the mad skills, several times already. I'll see what I can do about making EpiPens easier to use. The side where the needle comes out does look exactly like the side where the safety comes off. Maybe we can make the safety blue and the needle side orange."

"And?"

His boss set the EpiPen down and sighed. "And I'll let you and Canada show off your mad xylophone skills at the next Christmas party we host."

America smiled broadly. "Hell yeah! Our xylophone skills are going to blow your mind!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Look Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin I wrote that oneshot you've asked me to do. Well, you didn't ask for a story about America and Canada looking for a xylophone at Wal-Mart and Canada getting an allergic reaction to food, but when you said that you wanted "America and Canada story" my mind came up with this. **

**Anyway, this is loosely based off a true story. The older EpiPens used to look like highlighters and it was impossible to tell which side the needle came out from. It also didn't help that the side that had the safety was the opposite side of where the needle came out. Many people, like my mom, found out where the needle comes out from the hard way. I honestly don't think that many people would have been as bubbly as she was about it. "Look kids! It went all the way through my finger!" I feel sorry for my cousins she freaked out. **

**Now EpiPens are more clearly labeled with clear instructions printed on them. The blue side is the safety while the orange side is where the needle comes out. **

**Anyway, if ya notice a grammar mistake please point it out. **


End file.
